Pippa: How Autism shapes an artist's life.

I've known Pippa for the past few years, I honestly can't remember how we originally met, probably when we were both hiding out in the smoking area of an event having a breather. Pippa was one of the first people who confirmed their suspicions for me having autism, and receiving affirmations from someone who is such a strong advocate in the community, it was very reassuring. 

I started off by asking Pippa how they would define their job title and they briefly paused. I remembered them mentioning before how it's hard to put one title to the broad field of artistry they perform under and I immediately felt a little foolish. But eventually they came to the conclusion that if they had to define it, a ‘self employed autism focused artist’ would fit the bill most correctly. I went on to question Pippa on what their day entailed, “No one tells you how much admin you have to do, because with organizing any creative venture, is a lot of admin. Without that, nothing would happen” 

I asked if she operated around a schedule, knowing that without structuring myself, I am completely hopeless. “No, I want to, but I can't stick to them, because I have to work in a way that just works with whatever my energy is doing. I do the more high energy stuff when I've got the motivation, if I don't, I just do whatever I can, from my bed.” I wondered if this ever got lonely for Pippa, but she reassured me that this is the kind of environment she naturally thrived in, despising teamwork and explaining people have gone as far to shame her for her approach to working. “If you imagine an artist, you imagine some randomer covered in paint, alone in their studio. Don't you? But as soon as autism comes into it, it's almost like I'm being defiant or challenging or difficult on purpose.” Pippa then went on to quote Nietzsche, “you must grant people their Solitude, and not be foolish enough, to pity them for it” they explained how much it resonated with them.

“People say that self employment is unreliable with income, but also people don't realize that as an autistic person working a normal job is also unreliable with income, because I can't commit to the hours. I can't get through the days. At the end of the day, I'm not making steady income when I'm working a normal job, because mentally and and in terms of my disability, I can't do that. So for a lot of people, working freelance, even though it's not steady money, it's still more than you would have, and a lot more fulfilling…

And what most of us are doing here is trying to make a life that we can live in and be fine and not have to be in emotional turmoil. And it's not weird or selfish, it's survival. People will say, ‘Oh, wow. You've created this business. It's amazing.’ And you think well, what, what else would I do?”

Going back to Pippa's struggle with education, I remembered one of her streams of income providing childcare for autistic children. We talked about how Pippa could provide the help that she never received in school and what led her from working in schools for children with special needs to working freelance.

“I started teaching because I'm really good at it, and I love it. I was always teaching special needs kids. The only reason I stopped teaching was because of my personal autism. I was in this three month cycle where I worked full time, and then I couldn't work for three months, and then I would try and work again, three months, three months, three months. And I got to a point where I was like, why am I still doing this? Because obviously there's a pattern, and it's not working. So now I do bits and bobs more on a freelance basis with some of the children I used to teach in the schools, but it's a very difficult job for someone who's very emotionally inclined because the system is fucked.

You go in thinking, I know how to help, but there's structures and systems in place where you don't have that power and you're not allowed and you'll face consequences in the workplace, because “that's not how we do things here.” So you have to basically have loads of disabled kids who you have deep love and care for, you're watching them say their first words but at the same time you have to watch them be traumatized and let down, day after day after day, and not really be able to help. And I think that that's what drove me out of teaching.”

I asked Pippa to describe to the average neurotypical person why they struggle to hold down a job. I knew the community around Pippa would usually support their decision to work freelance, although working with no financial backing is seen as incredibly risky to the average neurotypical person.

 “Working in a school is overwhelming for many reasons. There’s constant sensory input—loud noises, smells, sticky textures, crying, and screaming. Working with young children, especially those with special needs, meant dealing with lots of banging, screaming, and crying. For neurotypicals, a crying baby might be annoying, but imagine that for eight hours straight while also being responsible for every child’s safety. When I get overstimulated, I dissociate, which means I mentally withdraw and struggle to stay present. This can become a safety concern for both me and the children. Even the fear of dissociation happening is stressful because I know how important it is to stay alert. During those moments, I can’t process words or speak properly, and my reactions slow down, which is emotionally overwhelming.

The exhaustion from this environment builds up. Being the youngest and autistic, I didn’t have many close relationships at work, and some colleagues were put off by my autism. I’d come home so drained that I could only eat and sleep, then repeat the cycle the next day. Over time, this daily exhaustion turned into autistic burnout, which isn’t just feeling tired—it can last for months and have lasting effects. Even weekends weren’t enough for me to recover. Once that burnout accumulates, it doesn’t just go away—it becomes a part of your life.”

We then went onto people talking about education within NT people around autism, “people are old enough and wise enough to google, and to read the sources that people are sharing. And to not push, because people do push.” 

I asked if there was anything that really came to mind that Pippa found the most offensive. “The R slur really upsets me, it's usually only ever been aimed at me by children I've taught, and even then, it hurts me. I hear it quite often, especially in passing. It's just such a hard hitting word, and it has so much horrible history and context that is still relevant, to be honest today”

“Even yesterday, in my lecture (I study socially engaged art,) one girl laughed at a story that involved someone defecating on themselves, who was in a mental hospital and she kept saying “sorry, it's not even funny. I shouldn't even laugh.” And I sat there with a straight face thinking, “yeah, what is funny about that?” You're telling me, like this woman is telling you about a research study, and you heard the word defecate on themselves. And that's that's enough to throw you off track for the rest of the story, first of all, you're an adult, get over it. Second of all, it's ableist as fuck. Third of all, you acknowledge what you did wrong. Even when I was teaching, I had some people say, like, “oh my god, it's so gross. They all wear nappies and they're like teenagers?" Okay, yeah but why do you care? No one's asking you to do it. Who cares? Like, it's my job. I don't care. I chose to do that job.” 

Pippa's passion and empathy, shaped by their own experiences, were immediately evident. I always found it fascinating to meet someone I had followed online for years—my respect and admiration for them always intact, yet grounded by the reminder that they were a real person, complete with a life largely unknown to others. With Pippa, however, it felt as though I had always known them. Even after glimpsing some of the more unguarded moments of their life, my perception of their authenticity online never seemed to waver. Always working on something new, meeting new people and creating art in the most authentic, yet only way they know how. I was curious to see what Pippa was planning on next.

“So I'm currently working on a research project, and this kind of leg of the research project is on autism and maximalism, and how maximalism can be used as a strategy for well being and autistic people. And then that extends out to like strategies to help keeping autistic people in work, like if there is, for example, visual stimulation at work, does this affect the well being of the autistic person, and therefore make them better able to work. And just working with the team I worked with, just for the photo shoot, it was this amazing, coming together of lots of different neurodiverse brains, and like I was saying earlier, about things not having to be questioned or justified, it was really nice even though I was in charge. There were a lot of people, and obviously that's stressful, but I didn't feel judged. I felt supported. I still felt more like a team, rather than just me. I think it was just so rewarding, just to see how amazing it can be to to bring together all these autistic people and just not only just have so much fun, but create some, really amazing work”

If you're interested in seeing more of Pippa's work you can follow them on instagram at @toothachexox!